Monday was my birthday. It was a big one, for me. A real turning point. I can no longer claim I'm in my early 30s, but rather am starting to creep toward 40. I'm not stressed about 'getting old', as I think this year is going to be ace; full of so many first and new experiences... and really, instead of feeling 35 years OLD, I feel 35 years YOUNG - after all its my first year as a Mum! (ok, a bit dorky, I know)
This birthday really crept up on me Not hard to believe really, as Ive been a little distracted lately. Life with Lily is pretty good these days, and my social calendar is more full now than ever before (I am certainly not looking forward to the coffee and cake withdrawal I'll get when I go back to work). So when Kai asked what I wanted to do to celebrate the big day, I fell back on the old, trusty standby: Dinner and a Movie.
I'm am very lucky to have great friends, most of whom already have kids. I enlisted the babysitting services of two of my girlfriends, curled my hair (I cant remember how long its been since I dared wear my hair down... Lily loves to pull it) and got dressed up.. Well, maybe not dressed up, but the clothes were clean, and didn't have puke on the shoulder or dummies in every pocket. Babysitters arrived at 5, in time to get the run down on 'the routine' (there were the obligatory digs from the girls, harassing me about how anal I am about routine.... BUT IT WORKS!!!) with time to spare for cuddles before bath, bottle and bed.
This was the first time we were leaving Lily. I thought I was going to feel uneasy about it, about someone else putting her to bed (I love bedtime. I love the cuddles. I love how she smells after her bath) but I didn't. I felt calm. I felt excited at the thought of going on a 'date'. I felt relaxed (whats the worst that was going to happen... she'd kick off and not go to bed well. My friends wouldn't judge me or think I was a rubbish Mum because my baby cried).... and then the guilt kicked in. I FELT GUILTY FOR NOT FEELING GUILTY! How daft is that?
Kai and I had a good chuckle about it, and then the feeling passed. The film was brilliant (we saw The King's Speech), and even Mr 'This is going to be stupid' laughed in all the right places. I cried on and off throughout the movie... and with Lily almost 3 months old now, I am struggling to blame the tears on hormones. I guess I'm just a sappy sod. We had a meal after and even managed to talk briefly about something other than Lily. It wasn't the raucous night out that birthdays used to be, and we were home by 11, and I loved every minute of it!
I can only guess that this year will be full of many 'firsts': many hugs and kisses, lots of laughter and giggles, and probably a few tears too. We'll be broke, the house will permanently look like a bomb has gone off, and if the washing machine breaks, we'll be stuffed!!! But, as long as I can start my day with a nice cuppa tea in my new mug that Lily gave me (which has her picture on it..), I know I'll be fine.
Bring it on, 35! I'm ready!